Anyone else tired of being themselves?
Calling myself out on my own BS. You’re welcome to join me.
A grown ass woman(me) snapping at her mom because she pronounced something wrong, stuffing my face with the same food that I know will make me gassy and in-pain, catching myself in completely unnecessary white lies, and giving my dad a lecture from my high-horse about the admirable qualities of quick decision-making.
This is not a good look.
Honestly, a day in the life of a self-entitled young woman is a very tiring one.
But you know what’s strangely good about the practice of recognizing how insufferably annoying you are?
It means that you’re no longer identifying 1000% with the struggle at hand. You allow for more space between you and the situation, so you actually have a fighting chance to be able to choose again.
When I see my problems for the truth of their triteness, I am not condemning myself for being stupid, lazy, insecure, or petulant (though I am often those things), I am pointing my finger at The Problem Pattern- as opposed to The Problem Me- and riding myself of the pattern, not the person.
And doing so feels so, so necessary for a soul that is withered from years of competition culture. I have tried so hard to be better than other people that it made me feel like shit. It got to a point where I couldn’t walk down a street, into a café, or turn on the tv without automatically comparing myself to every woman in the room. It was exhausting, I stopped making friends, I withdrew from society, and I felt pretty damn lame.
The stress and isolation caused me to overeat, shrink back from my goals, and indulge in irritability.
Ironically, my mental constipation around trying to be the sexiest/ smartest/ most successful, deprived me of al of those results because I became so consumed by what I didn’t have that I forgot to notice what I forgot to notice what I did have.
My scarcity mindset became a cancer that made me insufferable to be around to even my closest family members, yet the story in my mind kept me blameless.
When I stop trying to be perfect, I own up to the fact that I am a deeply flawed person, I finally feel free to show up in service for other people. I’m no longer trapped worrying over my thighs, my bank account, or any other socially-constructed measuring stick I could use to hit myself with, so I have all this energy to be a decent person, to take care of myself, to attempt bigger goals, and be a better listener.
Surprise surprise, the less you think about yourself, the cooler you actually become.
If you’re trapped in a Problem Pattern right now, know that you are not alone, it is not your fault, and that wherever you are now doesn’t need to have ANY bearing over who you’re going to become in the future.
If you, like me, have become tired of your own B.S., then it might be time to start breaking the habit of being yourself (nod to Joe Dispenza), and start method acting yourself into the next version of who you are.
The ultimate version of Sophie is patient, selfless, forgiving, kind to her own body and to others, and diligent about her work.
Most days, I don’t feel like that version of myself. But I want to be her so I practice being her. I practice not being a little twit on the phone to my mom, I practice being the person who doesn’t think annoyed thoughts at other driver’s on the road.
So, if you ever get discouraged with who you’re being, don’t worry. You don’t have to be him/ her much longer if you don’t want to. You’ve done nothing wrong, but if you want someone that get’s different results, then why not try being a person that takes different actions?
If you want to talk about crafting a new personal reality for yourself, then reach out to Sophie on Instagram @thesophiedalton and she’ll respond with a few questions, a link and a plan to help you quantum-leap your understanding of who you are.
